somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
