This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
