I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
