Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
