Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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