The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sext me about skeletons
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
