omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
