You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How does one acquire holy water?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize