My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
