I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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