We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
