Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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