I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
