I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
