What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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