I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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