Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
