I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize