I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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