I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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