There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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