I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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