WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
