i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
