I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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