hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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