I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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