I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This baby is an asshole
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize