Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
