I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
