I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
