Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
