i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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