True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My pussy is not your playground.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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