I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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