I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
