He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love you. Go after that dick
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