GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
