Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
