Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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