I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
