if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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