Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize