I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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