trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
