He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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