I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
