covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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