Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
