Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
