that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
