Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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