He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
