I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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