He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
