$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
