Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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