you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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