I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
