1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
