when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
