I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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