You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
