I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
