the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
