I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
