either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
