you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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