He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
