News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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