Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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