I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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