My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
