I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
