I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
