I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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