Swine flu. Run for my life!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
