You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
