I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
