I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
