you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
