Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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