I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
