Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
