The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
