Will you blow on my dice?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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