She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
