I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
