Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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