Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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