Only a mothe r could love this liver
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
