This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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