gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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