Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize