Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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