17 year olds will be the death of me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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