She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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