Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
