pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
