she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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