I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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