it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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