I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
