last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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